More unicorns

Hey guys,

Charlie the unicorn is back. And the other two. These videos were uploaded like a few years ago and I had no idea they existed, so here they are now. Sorry, I’m drunk a lot. I never know what’s going on anymore.

Episode 1

Episode 2

For those of you who haven’t seen the original Charlie the unicorn video/have been asleep for the past 5 years, it’s time to wake the fuck up. Click on this link to watch it.

Happy Saturday!

L

The Kleenex Diet

Okay, so I recently heard about this secret ballerina diet of sorts called the ‘Kleenex Diet’. Basically, it consists of Kleenex. Kleenex contains 0 calories and apparently takes away one’s desire to eat altogether, which sounds great at first, but once you realize that you’re eating KLEENEX things start to get a little sketchy. I mean, I once accidentally took a bite of a napkin that was wrapped around a vegan, gluten-free sandwich and I wasn’t too concerned about it, but I don’t think I could ever fully eat a Kleenex on purpose. It’s paper.

As much as I really, really really really REALLY want to be as thin as I was when I was a ballerina, I just don’t see how one can be a graceful, poised creature and eat fucking tissues at the same time. It just wouldn’t work. Perhaps a better alternative would be to eat salads and drink water. I dunno. Try it out and see what happens before you resort to eating things that you use to blow your nose.

L

Handbags large enough to fit a bottle of vodka in them

One of the most important things in life is whether or not a bottle of vodka will fit in your purse. I’ve discovered a number of bags that combine fashion with practicality, and have included details and corresponding images below.

Louis Vuitton Speedy 25

 

Longchamp navy tote

 

Louis Vuitton Damier azur neverfull

 

Rebecca Minkoff 3 zipper black leather clutch

Yeah, about the Rebecca Minkoff….kind of but not really. But where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?

 

xoxo

 

L

 

 

Unicorns.

Generally, people think unicorns are stupid. And they might be. They ARE mythical creatures, like gryphons, loraxes and sorority girls who don’t drink.

But I LOVE them. They’re magical, pretty and majestic. If they existed, I’d want to own one. I think the reason I love them so much is because they remind me of my childhood, when fairytales and shit made sense. As a child you could talk to yourself and pretend unicorns, fairies and other weird things existed without people thinking you were a lunatic. Now, as soon as you mention the word unicorn everyone around you is ready to institutionalize you. You know, there are some people who still have faith in a democratic governmental system (which we all know is a fucking joke) but no one is putting those people away. Why should I have to abandon my love for and belief in unicorns? Unicorns don’t make you pay additional GST and PST. They don’t have a utilitarian view of society, in which the majority of idiots in the world benefit and the small percentage of smart people become drug addicts and develop gambling problems because who the fuck wants to live in such a corrupt world as a sober, sane person. I don’t.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite pictures of unicorns. Also, if you find yourself with a ton of time to waste, or you just don’t feel like doing anything while you’re at work, you can go on this website: ┬ácornify.com

Basically, every time you click on the page a new sparkly unicorn appears until the whole page is full of happy, sparkly pictures. It really puts you in a good mood but if anyone catches you doing it, they’ll think you’re a fucking idiot.

Charlie the unicorn is my fav. He’s an asshole.

I want this to be my birthday cake.

Just thought I’d throw this in.

Have a sparkly day!

L

There was a spider in my apartment last night, but it’s not here today.

Dear friends,

There was a creepy looking reddish-black spider chilling on my ceiling last night. This morning when I woke up, I expected it to be there…but it was GONE. I searched my entire apartment but was unable to locate it. I feel like I probably ate it in my sleep, or it died because it’s like 35 degrees in here. Please provide me with suggestions as to what you think might have happened, so that I don’t have to schedule a therapy session.

What do you think happened to the spider? Do you think it was poisonous because it had reddish markings? Should I just schedule a therapy appointment anyway for posting this?

L