Pictures of Cute Animals

It’s Thursday and I’m bored. To cure my boredom I spent approximately 10 minutes gathering together pictures of super cute animals doing equally cute things to post on my blog site. It was a fun ten minutes, but now I’m back to wanting to throw myself out a window. Whatever. Pictures.

Burrito cat is really adorbs.

Porcupines are actually cute? Why didn’t I know this before. Wait, this is actually a hedgehog.

Valentino loves pugs. I trust him.

Ducklings swimming around in a sink? Soooooo cute.

Snowy cat.

Happy Thursday.

L

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The Watermelon Diet.

Hey guys.

This diet is super easy. It keeps you hydrated during the summer and soooo skinny at the same time.

What you will need:

  • whole watermelon
  • vodka

Instructions:

Get your maid or house-keeper or mom or whoever to cut the watermelon because knives are dangerous, especially when you’ve taken a lot of Xanax. While they’re doing this, pour yourself a glass of vodka. Drink the vodka.

Finally, once it’s been cut up, eat one piece of watermelon every 2-4 hours. It’s genius.

You’re welcome.

L

Furniture that looks like food but isn’t.

I recently came across this fad from who knows when involving food being re-created as pieces of furniture. Some of the stuff looked really funny/cool and some of it scared the shit out of me. I suppose in the end it’s all a form of extremely weird art, which I can totally appreciate. These were my fav food/art/furniture pieces:

Ice cream sandwich seat

I died laughing when I saw this. Are you fucking kidding me? Imagine walking into a friends newly-furnished otherwise chic living room and then seeing THAT sitting on the far side of the room next to the bookshelf. How do you even react. While it’s super random because it goes with NOTHING, this seat kind of makes me want an ice cream sandwich, which I would never ever eat, unless it was a So delicious organic soy banana split sandwich. (banana-split-minis)

Cupcake pillow

This pillow looks SO. REAL. And it’s actually pretty cute. It’s not too out there, so you could use it to accessorize a white couch or chaise and it wouldn’t make the room look completely retarded.

Egg carpet?

This is just fucked up and has no place in anyone’s home. Sunny-side-up eggs? Seriously? Actually, this may be cute if used in a restaurant, specifically a breakfast place. Otherwise, no.

Hamburger bed/pillows/carpet/who the fuck knows

This is so fucking funny, mostly because I don’t even know what it is. It’s literally a hamburger-thing consisting of like 7 pieces that you can remove and use separately. In theory, it’s pretty cute. But in reality, I could never see myself ever buying this and using it. It would be great for a kid’s playroom though. Or your dog? The dog might take offence to it though.

Mimi Tin sushi pillows/seats

These are kind of cool, except I don’t know what those stringy green and white things are. I would probably just throw them out. The pillows and seats are kind of adorable though. I would actually consider buying this set because of how unique and visually interesting it is! Plus this furniture was created by Burmese-American artist/fashion designer Mimi Tin, whose shit I LOVE.

mimitinfashion.com

This is one of her wedding dresses. Her style is a bold combination of I-don’t-give-a-fuck-ness and girly-ness.

Good luck finding the furniture though, it was released on the market years ago and I haven’t been able to find any online. But I’m sure you could find the ice cream sandwich seat in 5 seconds!

L

Gemini, the most psychotic sign of the zodiac.

Gemini (s?) are nuts, and I know this because I am one. I can’t say exactly why or how they are this way, but they just are. Their personality traits include flightiness, being confused a lot, dramatic and unstable. They enjoy activities such as partying, breathing, looking at things, socializing and being bitchy.

Famous Gemini (s?): Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, ironically because they’re actually twins; Naomi Campbell, who is a total bitch; Angelina Jolie, who’s also a total bitch; and Helena Bonham Carter, who is insane and married to fellow insane person/genius Tim Burton.

As I’m sure everyone knows, both my mom and I are Gemini (s?). Or maybe everyone didn’t know that. And although Gemini (s?) may be known to have quite a few annoying/confusing traits, they have a lot of positive traits as well such as creativity, uniqueness and intellectualism. They’re also super loyal as long as you let them have the freedom to do what they want. But that can be tricky, depending on what it is they wanna do. But like, as long as they don’t want to throw on a blanket scarf, do bath salts and jump off a bridge, everything should be fine. Or not.

P.S. Happy birthday Mom!

L

These macarons can go fuck themselves.

There are macarons at literally every boulangerie/patisserie in Paris. It’s out of control. They are really cute and REALLY good, but they’re totally bad for you so I only ever buy them for decorative purposes.

Because of all the hype over these little cookie-things, I’ve been wondering what the fuck a macaron is exactly. Are they cookies? Pastries? Miniature inside-out/upside down retarded cupcakes? This is what I discovered in my research:

  • Macarons are made with: egg whites, icing sugar (eew), granulated sugar (no), almond powder, milk ingredients (fuck no) and food colouring (no).
  • Each macaron has about 60 calories. That is fucked up considering how small they are.
  • A macaron is NOT a macaroon. Two different things.
  • Macarons are chic and trendy.
  • They were originally created in Italy, and then later brought to France by some monks or something like that.
  • Laduree Paris is like 150 years old.

Given the calorie/ingredient situation with these things, I guess for now I will only stare at and smell the macarons that I encounter here in Paris. I feel like it’s kind of the same as eating them anyway.

L

Rehab.

As funny as it can be to watch other people’s struggles, some problems are really serious and need to be resolved before they end your life. Part of the issue with this kind of situation is that some people just can’t tell/don’t care/won’t accept that anything is wrong with them, and continue to, for instance, finish a bottle of vodka every 24 hours, smoke 100 cigarettes a day or only eat a piece of lettuce and have a can of Diet Coke once a week. Not okay. So to help others take notice of their issues and see things more clearly, here is a list of ten things that might be a sign that you’re fucked up and could benefit from checking into a rehab facility:

1) If you open your fridge in search of food and all you find is a bottle of organic ketchup, wine, champagne and a 40 of vodka.

2) If you no longer have heat, electricity, or shoes but you have an endless supply of cocaine.

3) If you can’t recall the last time you did something fun when you were sober.

4) If each time you go out you find your nights lasting until 2 pm the next day.

5) If you begin to hallucinate regularly.

6) When your drug addiction develops a drug addiction.

7) If you start to lie a lot. (Aka lying just for fun)

8) If everyone you know tells you that you should go to rehab.

9) If the police tell you that you need to go to rehab.

10) If you almost die of alcohol or drug related causes, starvation, depression or exhaustion.

Remember though, addiction is serious. If you have a problem, seriously try to get some help and if you know someone who is losing their shit, HELP THEM.

Please keep those people who have died of any type of addiction/depression in your hearts.

This post is dedicated to the late Tiffany Reid, 1988-2010. Miss you forever<3

Bitch of the week

I’m pretty sure that everyone knows how much I love a good bitch, and this girl is stunning and fierce. The actress’s name is Sara Foster (semi-boring) but the character she plays on the new 90210 (Naomi’s gorgeous sociopathic older sister) totally makes up for her flat acting name. In fact, I only ever call her Jen Clark anyway, so whatever, her name is Jen. I’m in love with her. She’s sophisticated, cultured, hot and super cunty.

On that note, I’m going to go watch 90210. You should too.

L

Evil mutant Italian-African-whatever mosquitos.

Not unlike Italian men, Italian mosquitos are such assholes. And to make matters worse, they’re really smart. I started to wonder about these little pests after constantly finding them EVERYWHERE from school to my apartment, and noticing that my mosquito bites wouldn’t fully go away until WEEKS after I was bitten. How did these things become so powerful?!! How do I get them away from me?! Why am I here?!!!

Anyway, I did some research and discovered that a friend of this girl I once met at a night club said that they are not Italian mosquitos per se, but Africanized mosquitos. What exactly does this mean? Here’s what it fucking means:

These mosquitos were colonized by AFRICAN mosquitos-you know, like the ones who carry malaria and just won’t die? Apparently that doesn’t mean that they carry malaria, only that they are from the same family of the malaria-carrying ones. That still does not make me feel comfortable on any level.

This makes them faster, smarter and more able to outlive certain conditions. So when you try to swat them and miss, this is why they fly up to the ceiling as if to say ‘Fuck you’, because now you can’t reach them anymore, instead of in the case of the average mosquito who would probably just move a little to the left and then end up getting squashed. Idiots.

They are also able to hide for hours without you even noticing them and then attack you while you’re sleeping. This is totally unfair. In the middle of the night I am constantly hearing mosquitos buzzing around my head! It’s distracting and annoying, because it prevents you from falling asleep peacefully and half the time I end up getting up and spending a good hour throwing things at them and spraying hairspray in their general direction until they’re all dead before I can go to sleep. This is one of the reasons why I’m ALWAYS tired in class.

Mosquito bites all over your body also tend to ruin entire looks. How can you possibly put on a hand-beaded sequinned mini dress and a pair of 5 inch heels and still look pulled together and glam with a thousand red marks all over you? This has happened to me before and it sucks.

So if you see one of these mosquitos in Italy, kill it. They’re more hazardous than the regular ones that we are used to in North America and their goal is to RUIN YOUR LIFE. Vive la resistance!

Fav Organic Vegan Recipes

Punchfork.com is not only a great new way to waste your time, but it also contains hundreds (thousands?) of recipes organized by diet so that you can look through gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan and kosher recipes in separate categories! So good.

I have picked out two of my fav vegan recipes to share with you because they are healthy, light, colorful dishes that will not fuck with your summer diet. Vegan food is where it’s at.

Brown Coconut Rice with Cilantro
  • Cilantro (3 tbsp)
  • Coconut, sweetened (2 tbsp)
  • Ginger, fresh (1 tsp)
  • Coconut milk, light (1 cup)
  • Garlic clove (1 clove)
  • Salt (1/4 tsp)
  • Brown rice (1 cup)
  • Water (1 1/4 cup

Bring ingredients to a boil and then let simmer for 40ish minutes. Keep covered for 10 more mins. Fluff with fork. Brown rice is amaze. White rice is evil.

Veggie Infused Quinoa Salad

  • Artichoke hearts (1 can)
  • Cherry tomatoes (1/2 cup)
  • Lemon, fresh (1)
  • Mint, fresh leaves (1 few)
  • Onion (1/2)
  • Oregano, fresh (1 A few sprigs)
  • quinoa
  • Garlic cloves
  • Olive oil, Extra virgin (1)
  • Salt and pepper (1)
  • Vegetable stock, low sodium (1 cup)
  • black olives
  • tofu

Saute onions, garlic, oregano. Add quinoa to pan and toast it a bit. Add veggie broth, s & p, simmer on low and cook for like 40 mins. Oh yeah, and cover the pan. Let it cool for about 30 mins after the liquid has evaporated and the quinoa is tender, and then add everything else, including cubed tofu. So summery!

These are really easy to make and require little to no real skill, considering that I can’t cook for shit and I am able to put them both together perfectly.

A few other things I can make:

  • glass of water
  • apple, washed
  • variety of salads
  • toast (this can be tricky)

Good fucking luck!

L