Victoria Day weekend, or whatever

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This weekend, I spent most of my time pondering what I want to do with my life. I also spent a good 12 hours figuring out whether or not I want to watch a 20 minute display of fireworks in celebration of ‘Victoria Day’, which is a ‘holiday’ in ‘Canada’.

After mojitos, French wine, sunbathing, composing a page of my book, thinking about making vegan cupcakes, not making vegan cupcakes and googling ‘fireworks’, I decided to watch the fireworks.

After all was said and done, I had an epiphany; I am taking a hiatus from working/looking for work/thinking about looking for work for at least 2 weeks to devote time to my up and coming memoir. I’m also going to take time to dedicate myself to drinking wine and working on my tan.

Also, as a gift to you guys, I will be releasing a sample chapter of my book here at sparkliness.com at some point to get you SO excited for my book. You’re welcome.

Hope you had a fab Victoria day weekend.

L

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I’m back.

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6 months ago, I died.

I started working in a field I had abandoned long ago, forgetting who I was, what I was, which country I was in.

Now, I’m back. There is only one thing in the world I’m supposed to be doing, and that is writing. And wearing Gucci. And travelling. And sunbathing. And going to parties.

I’m never giving up my dream again. Life is too short to work in the healthcare industry.

It’s sunny and I’m going to have a mojito. I’ll leave you with this profound song about a crazy, slutty girl following her dreams. I hope it inspires you.

Happy May 2-4!

L

Technology is fucked up

Technology has been separating us from ourselves since long before Donatella Versace had her first face lift. Instead of communicating face to face, person to person, etc. we are now constantly communicating from whatever device to whatever device and it is totally fucking up the way people perceive the world and treat others. I’m having a really spiritual moment right now.

But seriously. A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning and was like ‘you know what? Fuck Facebook.’ So I deactivated my account. And the number of people who were legit upset about my decision to remove myself from the Facebook community made me wonder why someone can’t/wouldn’t be able to live an amazing life without a Facebook profile. Isn’t your FB profile supposed to be a reflection of your actual life?

Look, I get that social networking is a beautiful thing, but you know what’s not? Having a bunch of disgusting cyber-stalkers and people from your high school that you used to hate looking at your beach/drunk photos. Yeah yeah, I know you can block people and limit who can see shit on your profile and whatevs. But the fact that you have to watch your Facebook ass as well as your REAL ass in life just seems like way too much effort for me.

I also realize that I’m communicating to all of you using another form of technology called the ‘internet’, which I’m not totally opposed to but is still contributing to people becoming lazy, self-obsessed and generally dumber. We need to use technology wisely and not abuse it, meaning we need to take very long breaks from it and actually participate in our own lives. Like, for instance, it’s a nice day out. We should all be closing up our laptops, leaving the office and going outside to smoke a joint with our friends. Or talking and laughing or whatever.  Just saying.

So, if you really don’t care about Facebook and aren’t emotionally attached to it/brainwashed, delete it. Then, I will personally invite all of the people who have deleted Facebook over to my place for a super-chic, exclusive no-meat BBQ/cocktail party and we can laugh about how real life is SO much better than looking at people’s Photo-shopped pics of them ‘having fun’ in ‘cool places’ on Facebook.

But if I ever create a new FB profile, don’t forget to add me as a friend! Yay

L

Poison ivy should die.

So I have poison ivy, which I’m really fucking pissed off about. I’m sure you’re wondering how I got poison ivy in the first place, since I hate nature and obviously would never touch a plant unless it was a pretty flower. Even then…probably not.

Anyway, long story short; I went into the woods with Gucci who was being a total asshole, he refused to stay on the path and ran through the brush several times, resulting in me having to crouch down and reach into the brush to pick him up and bring him back to the path. Fuck him.

I feel terrible for anyone who’s ever had this shit, because it’s not only itchy but also BLISTERS over time and looks hideous. Well, I wouldn’t say that mine looks hideous per se, but it’s still early. It IS pretty red and bumpy though. To make matters worse, my birthday party is tomorrow and I’m wearing a dress.

Oh, and just so everyone is aware, this is what poison ivy looks like:

Sure, it looks cute and harmless but it’s totally not.

If you want to avoid putting yourself in the predicament I’m in right now, here are some friendly tips on how to keep yourself safe this summer:

1) Don’t go camping

2) Don’t go into the woods

3) Don’t leave your house

4) Don’t let your dog go into the woods

5) Do sleep a lot

6) Don’t fall into a patch of poison ivy

7) Don’t get drunk around poison ivy

8) Don’t eat poison ivy

Good luck. There are only two small rashes on my wrist and knee right now, but if I wake up tomorrow with a rash on my face, I’m going to be super upset.

P.S. You can’t give poison ivy to other people. Yay.

L

Wishing myself a very sparkly birthday

You know what? This year has been bullshit. Like, I lived in Italy, wrote a book, blah blah blah. But THIS year (my 28th) is going to be one of my best years yet. Why? I’ll explain.

In order to get what I mean, you need to understand what I am looking for out of life. I plan to accomplish as much as possible during this awesome, super sparkly year. So the following are my life goals/birthday wishes in no particular order:

1) Get married or engaged or whatever.

2) Find an amazing job.

3) Finish my second book.

4) Something to do with unicorns.

5) Try bath salts (just kidding I would NEVER. DO. BATH SALTS. EVER.)

6) Design my own exclusive line of dresses/Blackberry cases/iPhone cases/clutches/pillows/cat outfits.

7) Spread happiness throughout the world.

8) Develop a sense of where I am, what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

The last one is super important, because I lose track of everything all the time. But what I’ve realized is that no matter where you are or what you’re doing or where those cats came from or how you ended up in some person’s bathtub…I forgot where I was going with this. Just enjoy your fucking life, you only have one. I know I will. Just don’t enjoy it by eating a lot of sugar. Or any sugar for that matter.

L

I can’t ever remember anything

Since I stopped doing drugs every other day, my memory has been total shit. Just kidding, I never did drugs, my memory has been dysfunctional since I can remember. I can’t tell if this is due in part to drinking, but it might be. The other day I was looking for this giant bag of tampons, like GIANT and I couldn’t remember where I put it. I finally found it in my room, where I had left it the entire week without moving it even a single inch. The sad part about this is that I walked by it every day and STILL didn’t remember seeing it, but I def must have noticed it was there.

I also once put my handbag in the fridge and forgot about it until an hour later. It was really cold when I found it. In addition to this, when I lived at my sorority house during university, I was known for leaving my vegan cheese everywhere. A few times I left the package in the middle of the staircase, in the washroom/s and once I actually found it in my bed. I miss that cheese. I haven’t been able to find it in any health food stores lately. So sad.

In my quest to improve my memory, I have come across a few things that come highly recommended by physicians, holistic nutritionists, magicians, psychics, internet people and other psychos:

Sleep more.

This could be playing a part in fucking up my memory, because I never sleep.

Make more time for friends and fun.

Um, what?

Reduce stress.

This one totally makes sense. Not having a job has been super stressful for me. So has not having a new sequined Jovani dress and matching Alexander McQueen clutch. But whatever.

Give your brain a workout.

I recommend texting. Or you could do a crossword puzzle.

I will see if these things help to improve my memory at all and if I actually remember to write a follow up post, then I’ll def know that they worked.

L

Applying for a job is harder than having a job.

Looking for a job is stressful. While I am determined to forge an exciting path for myself in the field of fashion media and culture, it has been pretty rough finding a solid position in the industry considering that no one trusts you and everyone assumes you’re an idiot.

Since I’m afraid to leave my house without a chaperone these days, I have been searching talent acquisition sites for possible employment opportunities. This morning, I spent some time on the Ontario job site and came across some position at some company. As usual, I was confused.

Then I got bored.

Anyway, yeah. It’s easy to lose focus, so I will need to keep looking. But I know that my job soul mate is out there somewhere, I just hope that I find it really soon.

L

Where have I been and what have I been doing

Guys,

I’ve been kind of missing for some time now, mostly because I was on a plane for ten hours, got kind of drunk two nights in a row and then went to a dinner party at my aunt’s. It’s been stressful.

But amidst all of the confusion, I’ve finally started to write a second book. It’s nothing like Crafted with Soul, the book that Brianna, Maria and I wrote on modern artisanal fashion/cuisine in Italy. That one is set to be released in August 2012, but it really depends on how long the editor and graphic designer take to perfect/fix it.

My personal project is a compilation of things I like/have done/want to do/are ashamed of/still can’t believe happened to me. I’m excited about having something to do and being able to have an opportunity to share my wisdom and other crap with people. If I can make only one person a little happier with my writing or even fuel one fire with the actual book, I will feel like I have accomplished something wonderful. Success isn’t about making money to me or being famous or having a lot of shit. It’s about being as sparkly as possible and being HAPPY, while radiating positive energy and making other people happy too. It’s also about having nice hair and wearing couture and owning a lot of shoes. And animals. And being tanned.

I will post a few excerpts from the manuscript in a few months, so watch my blog for them! Or don’t, I’m really just writing this book to entertain myself and occupy my time. But if you want to, then do it. I’m sure it will be worth reading at least once. Or probably skimming through.

L

Things to do on a train when you’re bored

Travelling can be super boring and induce anxiety, especially when you’re doing it like more than 4 times a week. Needless to say, I’ve been finding myself getting pretty fucking bored while travelling to Monte Carlo or Paris or Milano or wherever. And since I hate flying, I have been taking first/second class trains everywhere which is usually pretty comfortable but still lame because there isn’t really anything to do except fall asleep in awkward positions or stare at people.

After exhausting most of our options, my sister and I came up with a list of things to do while you’re on a train and bored as shit. And here they are:

1) Acrobatics

I don’t/can’t really do this, but my sister finds it amusing to embarrass everyone around her (me and my mom) by climbing shit and doing slutty pole dancing tricks. I’m actually never really that embarrassed by it though, I find it pretty funny.

2) Make fun of our other siblings who aren’t here. And dad.

We could do this for hours because it’s SO easy. All you have to do is pick an incident, conversation or text message and tear it apart. It’s great because they’re not even here to defend themselves, so we always win.

3) Write poetry.

I  came up with these two haikus with a little help and encouragement from my sister. Here they are:

The sun is shining

I am leaving Monaco

Proenza Schouler

*****

I missed Italy

I am on my way back home

Where there is champagne

*****

I tend to write haikus because it’s especially easy to write a haiku. Even a total moron can do it. Just remember, 5, 7, 5. 575. Yup.

4) Try to smoke a cigarette in the washroom. Just kidding, you’d totally get in shit for that.

5) Make sure your shit doesn’t get stolen.

This can be kind of difficult given that there seem to be gypsies and sketchy people everywhere, but I find that if you carry a large weapon with you at all times, this helps to keep them away.

I am still trying to look for new things to occupy my time. Reading, listening to my iPod and talking to other people becomes rather boring after a while. So, if anyone has any suggestions, they’re welcome. I’m starting to get to the point where I’m losing my shit.

L

When I die, I want to go to Moulin Rouge.

I love the Moulin Rouge. LOVE it. There were sparkles everywhere. I drank a lot of champagne. There were ANIMALS. Acrobats doing circus shit. It was generally just amazing.

I also saw a lot of boobs, which I didn’t expect, but kind of should have I guess, since it IS burlesque and the MR is also on a street that contains at least 700 sex shops and porn cinemas.

Anyway, it was totally worth the hundred Euros for each ticket and the experience was life changing. There was even a girl who swam naked in a tank of water with a bunch of snakes. Fierce. I was totally inspired. Or maybe I was just kind of drunk. Either way.

This night also marked the first time I ever wore my Versace for H & M stiletto boots anywhere, since they are impossible to walk in for more than 2 minutes without needing to sit down and take a break. But I honestly still love them regardless. They are so dominatrix-ey. I’ll wear them again one day. Whatever.

Go to the Moulin Rouge, it’s so worth it.

Bonne nuit!

L