Victoria Day weekend, or whatever

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This weekend, I spent most of my time pondering what I want to do with my life. I also spent a good 12 hours figuring out whether or not I want to watch a 20 minute display of fireworks in celebration of ‘Victoria Day’, which is a ‘holiday’ in ‘Canada’.

After mojitos, French wine, sunbathing, composing a page of my book, thinking about making vegan cupcakes, not making vegan cupcakes and googling ‘fireworks’, I decided to watch the fireworks.

After all was said and done, I had an epiphany; I am taking a hiatus from working/looking for work/thinking about looking for work for at least 2 weeks to devote time to my up and coming memoir. I’m also going to take time to dedicate myself to drinking wine and working on my tan.

Also, as a gift to you guys, I will be releasing a sample chapter of my book here at sparkliness.com at some point to get you SO excited for my book. You’re welcome.

Hope you had a fab Victoria day weekend.

L

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Italy did NOT get their shit together.

I knew this would happen. Once again, the choke artists in blue (otherwise known as the Italian soccer team) have disappointed every single Azzurri fan in the world. AGAIN. Like, they actually won a few games this year too which I was really shocked about. They usually tie it up during the first one or two matches and then lose miserably before they ever make it into the finals. They were doing so well for so long. Uggh.

Anyway, there is no reason why we can’t all enjoy the rest of our summers and move past that awful game on Sunday afternoon. However, I do want to publicly apologize to Balotelli on behalf of the rest of the team for sucking, because he looked super pissed after Torres scored his first goal, when he obviously realized that it was over for them. I still firmly believe that B should’ve started a small riot on the field, but he was clearly sad and wondering whether or not he’d be able to spend the remaining summer months on Jay-Z’s yacht or whatever. I hope he finds something to keep himself busy aside from killing people with death stares.

I’ll re-visit this subject in two years, when I care again. For now I’m going back to ignoring soccer.

L

Italy might actually be getting their shit together

So if anyone was sober enough to watch the entire Italy vs. whoever game yesterday, they would know that Italy won the game 4-2. This means that people are going to be wearing a lot of blue, drinking a lot and screaming obscenities for the next God-knows how long.

People lose their shit when Italy wins and while I realize that Italy is awesome, I started to wonder what it is that people love about the Italian team. I went out into the field and interviewed some people (just kidding, I texted people this question and then they texted me back) and this is what they had to say:

L: So why do you think Italy is such a great team? How do you feel about Italy winning the game yesterday?

Franc: (No answer)

Anat: Well, to be honest I didn’t watch the game. But I’m happy so many Italians are happy.

Sara: Cause they’re sexy.

Amanda: Yeah I didn’t watch it.

Elisa: I think it’s sex.

And so, it all makes sense now and I totally understand why Italy is the favourite. Stay tuned-the Italy vs. Germany game is on June 28th!

L

People who have shows but shouldn’t.

Dear fellow haters,

As you all know, television keeps getting worse and worse. I’ve carefully selected a few people that shouldn’t have their own shows/shouldn’t be allowed in public but do/are:

These people.

Picture 8 idiots doing things and going places and talking and yelling. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve totally watched this show before and kind of laughed at it but it’s horrible and these people should not be famous. Also, all of their nicknames are stupid and inaccurate.

A bunch of stupid teenagers.

There is nothing good or right about this show. Nothing. My question is, how the FUCK were they able to find that many pregnant 16 year olds to be ON this show in the first place? This further enforces my theory that the world is falling apart.

Snooki & JWow

NO.

A talking car.

What?? Why. This show is super old (it’s from the 60’s) and doesn’t really air anymore, but basically this guy’s mother was reincarnated as a car. Cute idea, but so weird. Imagine your A6 is your mom and you have sex with your girlfriend in it all the time. Like, no. Still not the worst one though.

My point is, basically we should be coming up with better/cooler/less offensive shows. Or taking more naps. One or the other. My brain needs a fucking rest after catching a glimpse of the Jersey Shore for 5 seconds while I’m channel surfing, let alone after one excruciating episode. Eew.

L

What is the significance of April 30th in Italy and why does it involve drinking until like 8 am

It just so happens that Naomi’s birthday party falls on April 30th, the day where bars and clubs are open until like 8 am in Italy to celebrate some holiday. The following day (May 1st) is International Workers’ Day, which everyone conveniently has off, so I have a feeling that shit is going to go DOWN.

When she sent out the invite, I nearly peed myself with excitement. There is a holiday in Italy where everything is open ALL NIGHT???! HOW DID I NOT ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THIS

I needed to know what this holiday was and how it could be real, so I did some research.

Notte Bianca (otherwise known as ‘White Night’)

Apparently, on this night the entire city stays up late hosting special (drinking?) events. There are two weird bicycle events that take place downtown, which I skipped over reading about. I don’t do bicycles. Basically there is a giant street party; every store, restaurant, bar, sketchy phone place, cafe and tabacchi stays open all night; there is music blasting in all of the piazzas; people get shitfaced. This is my favourite kind of event. So. Excited.

L

Easter Weekend Special.

This is super late, thanks to Naomi who thought that it would be a great to idea to start drinking at 6 pm on Good Friday. Thanks Naomi, I got nothing done all weekend.

Any who, this season the color palettes consist of romantic pastels and vibrant neons. Pairing clashing brights such as electric tangerine and bright peacock-feather blue has also become a big trend, as seen on the runway at the spring/summer 2012 Thakoon show. It’s super exciting to be able to mix and match all of these intense colors to create bold summer looks. In the spirit of Easter, I have devised a list of must-haves to incorporate Spring’s newest and most fab hues into your s/s 2012 wardrobe.

THE LIST:

1) Emilio Cavallini printed neon tights

(Emilio Cavallini)

2) A colorful statement tee

(My Style Florence, Italy)

3) Pair of pastel pointy-toed stiletto pumps.

(Louis Vuitton)

4) Although I don’t condone being a hippie, armfuls of hippie-style friendship (or not) bracelets in attention-grabbing hues are a cute and more subtle way to wear this color trend.

(Ettika wrap bracelet)

5) Oh-so-chic lazer-cut leather neon clutch.

 (Christopher Kane)

And so, that’s the list. Remember…don’t be afraid to pair brights with brights this spring/summer. Also, don’t be afraid to accessorize your brightly colored outfits with strobe lights, a few hits of ecstasy and a bottle of vodka. Just kidding.

Buona Pasqua a tutti!

L

Bridesmaids

This movie is so funny that I shit my pants every time I watch it, even though I’ve seen it more than 30 times and have memorized the entire script. I love it so much that I basically force everyone I know who hasn’t seen it to watch it, and LOVE it. Today is a special day, because while most of my friends have already seen this movie on their own (and then proceeded to watch it with me a million more times), I have two special friends from Guatemala living in Italy here who have NOT yet seen this movie (Maria and Andrea). So, over popcorn, crepes and probably some type of alcohol, I am going to give them the gift of the movie ‘Bridesmaids’.

It’s a selfless gift, really. Because this movie changes your life. Plus, my cousin Danielle is getting married now (and most likely one of my closest, best friends soon too) so I feel like this movie has even more relevance in my life than it did before. I also really want to go back to Vegas ASAP, so it makes me SO excited to be returning to North America in 2 months, where I will immediately book a trip to Vegas. It’s just not worth it to fly to fucking Vegas from Italy. I also don’t have TIME, considering that it takes 8 hours or so to fly there. You may as well just fly to Paris or somewhere closer instead. Life’s tough living in Europe.

Sadly, this movie also really reminds me of how much I want to get married. But you know, I’m comfortable being the Annie for now. She IS fucking hilarious. It’ll happen one day really soon I’m sure. Where’s the tequila.

On a happier note, CONGRATULATIONS Danielle! I’m really excited for you to take this next wonderful step in your life with someone you truly love. Is Chase going to be the ring-bearer? You should take that into consideration. Also, I’m probably going to wear couture to your wedding, which I’m really excited about too. I’ve already pre-chosen a few gowns. (I’m not psychotic at all). xoxo

So if you haven’t yet seen this movie, watch it NOW. And if you have seen it, watch it again. Buona domenica!

 

♥Laura