I spent 5 years at this place, and got this really nice piece of paper.

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I went to this thing in London, Ontario called a “university” where you have to go to all these different rooms and listen to people talk about things, read books, go to parties, get drunk, remember all the shit you learned in the rooms/books, and then write tests about everything. It was hard.

At the end of your program, there is this other thing called “convocation” that I missed because I was obviously in Europe. At “convocation” you get something called a “diploma” that basically states you’ve graduated from some accredited program in some field and can now fuck off and look for a way to make money other than through drug dealing or prostitution.

I forgot all about my diploma for like, 2 years, but then remembered that I felt like going to London to drink and visit friends right before the school was going to destroy it. I figured I’d pick it up on my way to the bar.

But once I got it, I was like, “What am I supposed to do with this? Why is it so big? Is there a hair salon nearby?”

I could’ve put it on my wall like most people, but I felt like I could do better.

Other Uses for a Bachelor’s Degree:

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Cute Placemat

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Hand towel

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Welcome mat…

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Bathmat!

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Toilet paper

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?

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Page in colouring book

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Sandwich?

Ahhh success. It’s truly inspirational earning one of these. Now it’s time to look for a legit career. I wonder if the Saugeen stripper has found a good job yet.

L

UWO3UWO4Western3UWO2Saugeen stripper

So this is what happens in Spring Breakers

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Once upon a time, there were 3 slutty lunatics and Selena Gomez becomes friends with them. They rob some restaurant and go away for Spring Break. Then, things start happening.

They do handstands in the hallway and go to parties. People do coke.

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Everyone goes to jail.

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Suddenly, James Franco bails them out with his two creepy friends.

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Selena Gomez goes home, because she’s a pussy.

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James Franco plays a Britney Spears song on a grand piano, while the girls dance around in masks with semi-automatic weapons.

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They piss of a black guy and he shoots the weird blonde girl. Then, the last two girls kill everyone, steal the black guy’s Lamborghini and drive away into the sunset.

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This is the stuff that dreams are made of.

 

Byyyye.

L

Officialness.

ChampagneChamp

Hi.

So I bought a domain. I feel like this should be a cause for celebration or something. I’ve decided I’m going to celebrate by finishing my soy latte and eating one strawberry. No, make it two. Hope your Thursday is going way better than mine, meaning that you’re drunk!

Thanks again for your support, weird/crazy strangers!

L

CrazyCrazy2Amanda