I can’t ever remember anything

Since I stopped doing drugs every other day, my memory has been total shit. Just kidding, I never did drugs, my memory has been dysfunctional since I can remember. I can’t tell if this is due in part to drinking, but it might be. The other day I was looking for this giant bag of tampons, like GIANT and I couldn’t remember where I put it. I finally found it in my room, where I had left it the entire week without moving it even a single inch. The sad part about this is that I walked by it every day and STILL didn’t remember seeing it, but I def must have noticed it was there.

I also once put my handbag in the fridge and forgot about it until an hour later. It was really cold when I found it. In addition to this, when I lived at my sorority house during university, I was known for leaving my vegan cheese everywhere. A few times I left the package in the middle of the staircase, in the washroom/s and once I actually found it in my bed. I miss that cheese. I haven’t been able to find it in any health food stores lately. So sad.

In my quest to improve my memory, I have come across a few things that come highly recommended by physicians, holistic nutritionists, magicians, psychics, internet people and other psychos:

Sleep more.

This could be playing a part in fucking up my memory, because I never sleep.

Make more time for friends and fun.

Um, what?

Reduce stress.

This one totally makes sense. Not having a job has been super stressful for me. So has not having a new sequined Jovani dress and matching Alexander McQueen clutch. But whatever.

Give your brain a workout.

I recommend texting. Or you could do a crossword puzzle.

I will see if these things help to improve my memory at all and if I actually remember to write a follow up post, then I’ll def know that they worked.


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