I’ll only drink it if it’s expensive.

Everything is better when it’s been designed by a professional artist/creative director/celebrity. This obviously/especially applies to drinks and so I’ve chosen some of the most amazing designer beverage containers I’ve ever seen and posted them below.

Versace Diet Coke

Typical Donatella. Colourful, obnoxious, extravagant and a little weird.

Jean Paul Gaultier Diet Coke

Gaultier used his traditional male/female silhouettes for his custom DC bottles.

Cavalli Diet Coke

Animal print is even hotter on a Coca Cola Light bottle.

Moschino Diet Coke

This Moschino design is pretty, feminine and super romantic.

Absolute Rock Vodka

This grungy, studded-leather vodka bottle is so fierce. Paired with a cropped leather jacket, a pair of ripped skinny jeans and a sky-high pair of studded Louboutins, you could pretty much scare the shit out of everyone at any party. Perf.

Special Edition Moet Rose

All I have to say is this: it’s champagne, it’s pink, and there is a metallic gold pen. For these three reasons, this is the best set EVER.

Alcohol and fun in one super cute package!! I don’t know about you, but I love drawing on shit when I’m drunk.

On that note, I’m going to have a drink. A really glamorous, expensive drink.
L

Furniture that looks like food but isn’t.

I recently came across this fad from who knows when involving food being re-created as pieces of furniture. Some of the stuff looked really funny/cool and some of it scared the shit out of me. I suppose in the end it’s all a form of extremely weird art, which I can totally appreciate. These were my fav food/art/furniture pieces:

Ice cream sandwich seat

I died laughing when I saw this. Are you fucking kidding me? Imagine walking into a friends newly-furnished otherwise chic living room and then seeing THAT sitting on the far side of the room next to the bookshelf. How do you even react. While it’s super random because it goes with NOTHING, this seat kind of makes me want an ice cream sandwich, which I would never ever eat, unless it was a So delicious organic soy banana split sandwich. (banana-split-minis)

Cupcake pillow

This pillow looks SO. REAL. And it’s actually pretty cute. It’s not too out there, so you could use it to accessorize a white couch or chaise and it wouldn’t make the room look completely retarded.

Egg carpet?

This is just fucked up and has no place in anyone’s home. Sunny-side-up eggs? Seriously? Actually, this may be cute if used in a restaurant, specifically a breakfast place. Otherwise, no.

Hamburger bed/pillows/carpet/who the fuck knows

This is so fucking funny, mostly because I don’t even know what it is. It’s literally a hamburger-thing consisting of like 7 pieces that you can remove and use separately. In theory, it’s pretty cute. But in reality, I could never see myself ever buying this and using it. It would be great for a kid’s playroom though. Or your dog? The dog might take offence to it though.

Mimi Tin sushi pillows/seats

These are kind of cool, except I don’t know what those stringy green and white things are. I would probably just throw them out. The pillows and seats are kind of adorable though. I would actually consider buying this set because of how unique and visually interesting it is! Plus this furniture was created by Burmese-American artist/fashion designer Mimi Tin, whose shit I LOVE.

mimitinfashion.com

This is one of her wedding dresses. Her style is a bold combination of I-don’t-give-a-fuck-ness and girly-ness.

Good luck finding the furniture though, it was released on the market years ago and I haven’t been able to find any online. But I’m sure you could find the ice cream sandwich seat in 5 seconds!

L

Italy might actually be getting their shit together

So if anyone was sober enough to watch the entire Italy vs. whoever game yesterday, they would know that Italy won the game 4-2. This means that people are going to be wearing a lot of blue, drinking a lot and screaming obscenities for the next God-knows how long.

People lose their shit when Italy wins and while I realize that Italy is awesome, I started to wonder what it is that people love about the Italian team. I went out into the field and interviewed some people (just kidding, I texted people this question and then they texted me back) and this is what they had to say:

L: So why do you think Italy is such a great team? How do you feel about Italy winning the game yesterday?

Franc: (No answer)

Anat: Well, to be honest I didn’t watch the game. But I’m happy so many Italians are happy.

Sara: Cause they’re sexy.

Amanda: Yeah I didn’t watch it.

Elisa: I think it’s sex.

And so, it all makes sense now and I totally understand why Italy is the favourite. Stay tuned-the Italy vs. Germany game is on June 28th!

L

More unicorns

Hey guys,

Charlie the unicorn is back. And the other two. These videos were uploaded like a few years ago and I had no idea they existed, so here they are now. Sorry, I’m drunk a lot. I never know what’s going on anymore.

Episode 1

Episode 2

For those of you who haven’t seen the original Charlie the unicorn video/have been asleep for the past 5 years, it’s time to wake the fuck up. Click on this link to watch it.

Happy Saturday!

L

Poison ivy should die.

So I have poison ivy, which I’m really fucking pissed off about. I’m sure you’re wondering how I got poison ivy in the first place, since I hate nature and obviously would never touch a plant unless it was a pretty flower. Even then…probably not.

Anyway, long story short; I went into the woods with Gucci who was being a total asshole, he refused to stay on the path and ran through the brush several times, resulting in me having to crouch down and reach into the brush to pick him up and bring him back to the path. Fuck him.

I feel terrible for anyone who’s ever had this shit, because it’s not only itchy but also BLISTERS over time and looks hideous. Well, I wouldn’t say that mine looks hideous per se, but it’s still early. It IS pretty red and bumpy though. To make matters worse, my birthday party is tomorrow and I’m wearing a dress.

Oh, and just so everyone is aware, this is what poison ivy looks like:

Sure, it looks cute and harmless but it’s totally not.

If you want to avoid putting yourself in the predicament I’m in right now, here are some friendly tips on how to keep yourself safe this summer:

1) Don’t go camping

2) Don’t go into the woods

3) Don’t leave your house

4) Don’t let your dog go into the woods

5) Do sleep a lot

6) Don’t fall into a patch of poison ivy

7) Don’t get drunk around poison ivy

8) Don’t eat poison ivy

Good luck. There are only two small rashes on my wrist and knee right now, but if I wake up tomorrow with a rash on my face, I’m going to be super upset.

P.S. You can’t give poison ivy to other people. Yay.

L

Wishing myself a very sparkly birthday

You know what? This year has been bullshit. Like, I lived in Italy, wrote a book, blah blah blah. But THIS year (my 28th) is going to be one of my best years yet. Why? I’ll explain.

In order to get what I mean, you need to understand what I am looking for out of life. I plan to accomplish as much as possible during this awesome, super sparkly year. So the following are my life goals/birthday wishes in no particular order:

1) Get married or engaged or whatever.

2) Find an amazing job.

3) Finish my second book.

4) Something to do with unicorns.

5) Try bath salts (just kidding I would NEVER. DO. BATH SALTS. EVER.)

6) Design my own exclusive line of dresses/Blackberry cases/iPhone cases/clutches/pillows/cat outfits.

7) Spread happiness throughout the world.

8) Develop a sense of where I am, what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

The last one is super important, because I lose track of everything all the time. But what I’ve realized is that no matter where you are or what you’re doing or where those cats came from or how you ended up in some person’s bathtub…I forgot where I was going with this. Just enjoy your fucking life, you only have one. I know I will. Just don’t enjoy it by eating a lot of sugar. Or any sugar for that matter.

L

People who have shows but shouldn’t.

Dear fellow haters,

As you all know, television keeps getting worse and worse. I’ve carefully selected a few people that shouldn’t have their own shows/shouldn’t be allowed in public but do/are:

These people.

Picture 8 idiots doing things and going places and talking and yelling. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve totally watched this show before and kind of laughed at it but it’s horrible and these people should not be famous. Also, all of their nicknames are stupid and inaccurate.

A bunch of stupid teenagers.

There is nothing good or right about this show. Nothing. My question is, how the FUCK were they able to find that many pregnant 16 year olds to be ON this show in the first place? This further enforces my theory that the world is falling apart.

Snooki & JWow

NO.

A talking car.

What?? Why. This show is super old (it’s from the 60’s) and doesn’t really air anymore, but basically this guy’s mother was reincarnated as a car. Cute idea, but so weird. Imagine your A6 is your mom and you have sex with your girlfriend in it all the time. Like, no. Still not the worst one though.

My point is, basically we should be coming up with better/cooler/less offensive shows. Or taking more naps. One or the other. My brain needs a fucking rest after catching a glimpse of the Jersey Shore for 5 seconds while I’m channel surfing, let alone after one excruciating episode. Eew.

L

I can’t ever remember anything

Since I stopped doing drugs every other day, my memory has been total shit. Just kidding, I never did drugs, my memory has been dysfunctional since I can remember. I can’t tell if this is due in part to drinking, but it might be. The other day I was looking for this giant bag of tampons, like GIANT and I couldn’t remember where I put it. I finally found it in my room, where I had left it the entire week without moving it even a single inch. The sad part about this is that I walked by it every day and STILL didn’t remember seeing it, but I def must have noticed it was there.

I also once put my handbag in the fridge and forgot about it until an hour later. It was really cold when I found it. In addition to this, when I lived at my sorority house during university, I was known for leaving my vegan cheese everywhere. A few times I left the package in the middle of the staircase, in the washroom/s and once I actually found it in my bed. I miss that cheese. I haven’t been able to find it in any health food stores lately. So sad.

In my quest to improve my memory, I have come across a few things that come highly recommended by physicians, holistic nutritionists, magicians, psychics, internet people and other psychos:

Sleep more.

This could be playing a part in fucking up my memory, because I never sleep.

Make more time for friends and fun.

Um, what?

Reduce stress.

This one totally makes sense. Not having a job has been super stressful for me. So has not having a new sequined Jovani dress and matching Alexander McQueen clutch. But whatever.

Give your brain a workout.

I recommend texting. Or you could do a crossword puzzle.

I will see if these things help to improve my memory at all and if I actually remember to write a follow up post, then I’ll def know that they worked.

L

Gemini, the most psychotic sign of the zodiac.

Gemini (s?) are nuts, and I know this because I am one. I can’t say exactly why or how they are this way, but they just are. Their personality traits include flightiness, being confused a lot, dramatic and unstable. They enjoy activities such as partying, breathing, looking at things, socializing and being bitchy.

Famous Gemini (s?): Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, ironically because they’re actually twins; Naomi Campbell, who is a total bitch; Angelina Jolie, who’s also a total bitch; and Helena Bonham Carter, who is insane and married to fellow insane person/genius Tim Burton.

As I’m sure everyone knows, both my mom and I are Gemini (s?). Or maybe everyone didn’t know that. And although Gemini (s?) may be known to have quite a few annoying/confusing traits, they have a lot of positive traits as well such as creativity, uniqueness and intellectualism. They’re also super loyal as long as you let them have the freedom to do what they want. But that can be tricky, depending on what it is they wanna do. But like, as long as they don’t want to throw on a blanket scarf, do bath salts and jump off a bridge, everything should be fine. Or not.

P.S. Happy birthday Mom!

L