The Kleenex Diet

Okay, so I recently heard about this secret ballerina diet of sorts called the ‘Kleenex Diet’. Basically, it consists of Kleenex. Kleenex contains 0 calories and apparently takes away one’s desire to eat altogether, which sounds great at first, but once you realize that you’re eating KLEENEX things start to get a little sketchy. I mean, I once accidentally took a bite of a napkin that was wrapped around a vegan, gluten-free sandwich and I wasn’t too concerned about it, but I don’t think I could ever fully eat a Kleenex on purpose. It’s paper.

As much as I really, really really really REALLY want to be as thin as I was when I was a ballerina, I just don’t see how one can be a graceful, poised creature and eat fucking tissues at the same time. It just wouldn’t work. Perhaps a better alternative would be to eat salads and drink water. I dunno. Try it out and see what happens before you resort to eating things that you use to blow your nose.

L

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