Evil mutant Italian-African-whatever mosquitos.

Not unlike Italian men, Italian mosquitos are such assholes. And to make matters worse, they’re really smart. I started to wonder about these little pests after constantly finding them EVERYWHERE from school to my apartment, and noticing that my mosquito bites wouldn’t fully go away until WEEKS after I was bitten. How did these things become so powerful?!! How do I get them away from me?! Why am I here?!!!

Anyway, I did some research and discovered that a friend of this girl I once met at a night club said that they are not Italian mosquitos per se, but Africanized mosquitos. What exactly does this mean? Here’s what it fucking means:

These mosquitos were colonized by AFRICAN mosquitos-you know, like the ones who carry malaria and just won’t die? Apparently that doesn’t mean that they carry malaria, only that they are from the same family of the malaria-carrying ones. That still does not make me feel comfortable on any level.

This makes them faster, smarter and more able to outlive certain conditions. So when you try to swat them and miss, this is why they fly up to the ceiling as if to say ‘Fuck you’, because now you can’t reach them anymore, instead of in the case of the average mosquito who would probably just move a little to the left and then end up getting squashed. Idiots.

They are also able to hide for hours without you even noticing them and then attack you while you’re sleeping. This is totally unfair. In the middle of the night I am constantly hearing mosquitos buzzing around my head! It’s distracting and annoying, because it prevents you from falling asleep peacefully and half the time I end up getting up and spending a good hour throwing things at them and spraying hairspray in their general direction until they’re all dead before I can go to sleep. This is one of the reasons why I’m ALWAYS tired in class.

Mosquito bites all over your body also tend to ruin entire looks. How can you possibly put on a hand-beaded sequinned mini dress and a pair of 5 inch heels and still look pulled together and glam with a thousand red marks all over you? This has happened to me before and it sucks.

So if you see one of these mosquitos in Italy, kill it. They’re more hazardous than the regular ones that we are used to in North America and their goal is to RUIN YOUR LIFE. Vive la resistance!

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One thought on “Evil mutant Italian-African-whatever mosquitos.

  1. Pingback: Things that annoy me | sparkliness

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