Sex Photography.

Yesterday, I had an artistic revelation in photography class. Simone, our professor, asked everyone to choose 7 photographs that best represent themselves and how they view the world. Naturally, I just chose a bunch of random fucking pictures that I … Continue reading

The Importance of Sunglasses.

“I don’t have any sunglasses. This is fucked up.”-Me, 2 days ago

Since I generally tend to look pretty fucked up during the day, sunglasses are a must for me. They need to be tinted dark to protect your eyes from sun damage, and huge to prevent other people from seeing you. Sunglasses cover your shit. I don’t/can’t leave the house without them during the day, and wear them up until at least 8 or 9 pm. Sometimes I’ll wear them through an entire class. It fully depends on how tired/hungover/drunk/pale/sick I look (am).

It is also important to own at least 20 pairs of sunglasses, so that when you lose one or 5 you will still always have another pair stashed somewhere.

Fashion-wise, they are also a crucial accessory to any outfit. You can alter the mood of a look by simply pairing a particular sunglass with your other accessories. Heart-shaped powder pink sunglasses can create a fun, young, cute look while an over-sized white trimmed pair of aviators can create a more bold, crisp, fashion-forward look. Gradient, slightly-squared tortoise acetate frames can make for a more casual, chic and relaxed look. Sunglasses with spikes and crystals can compliment an I’m-a-psycho-make-people-shit-in-their-pants look.

These are my favourite pairs of sunglasses right now:

A-Morir Black Shield with Crystals

10 Corso Como Heart-Shaped

Celine

Tom Ford Whitney

Marc Jacobs

Hope your day is super sunny!

L

Oh Couture

Oh couture…

Demure majesty and bold femininity were the reigning themes of the new Spring 2012 couture collections. Pale pastels sashayed down the runway at Elie Saab in romantic shades of peach, powder blue and mint.

Feminine silhouettes and cuts highlighting the sexiest parts of a woman’s body ruled the Versace show. Shiny metallics and bold neon hues blinded the audience.

Maxime Simoens displayed a sharper variation of the sweetheart neckline at his show, giving the traditional romantic look an edgier feel. Body-slimming metallic accents were added to garments to create sexiness and curves.

At Alexis Mabille, shockingly bright colour-blocked dresses were a common theme this season. Larger than life embellishments adorned the models’ gowns and heads; over-sized drapings of satin material wrapped into roses became decorative hats.

These collections are daring, daunting and darling all at the same time. Spring 2012 spells sweet and sexy all in one chicely-wrapped package!

Elie Saab (romantic tulle and pastel peach)

Versace (metallic, bold silhouettes)

Maxime Simoens (edgy sweetheart necklines)

Alexis Mabille (color-blocking with oversized embellishments)

So if you happen to have $10,000 lying around, it would be a good idea to pre-order one or two of these dresses! Actually, you could probs only get one.

L

Unicorns.

Generally, people think unicorns are stupid. And they might be. They ARE mythical creatures, like gryphons, loraxes and sorority girls who don’t drink.

But I LOVE them. They’re magical, pretty and majestic. If they existed, I’d want to own one. I think the reason I love them so much is because they remind me of my childhood, when fairytales and shit made sense. As a child you could talk to yourself and pretend unicorns, fairies and other weird things existed without people thinking you were a lunatic. Now, as soon as you mention the word unicorn everyone around you is ready to institutionalize you. You know, there are some people who still have faith in a democratic governmental system (which we all know is a fucking joke) but no one is putting those people away. Why should I have to abandon my love for and belief in unicorns? Unicorns don’t make you pay additional GST and PST. They don’t have a utilitarian view of society, in which the majority of idiots in the world benefit and the small percentage of smart people become drug addicts and develop gambling problems because who the fuck wants to live in such a corrupt world as a sober, sane person. I don’t.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite pictures of unicorns. Also, if you find yourself with a ton of time to waste, or you just don’t feel like doing anything while you’re at work, you can go on this website:  cornify.com

Basically, every time you click on the page a new sparkly unicorn appears until the whole page is full of happy, sparkly pictures. It really puts you in a good mood but if anyone catches you doing it, they’ll think you’re a fucking idiot.

Charlie the unicorn is my fav. He’s an asshole.

I want this to be my birthday cake.

Just thought I’d throw this in.

Have a sparkly day!

L

Bridesmaids

This movie is so funny that I shit my pants every time I watch it, even though I’ve seen it more than 30 times and have memorized the entire script. I love it so much that I basically force everyone I know who hasn’t seen it to watch it, and LOVE it. Today is a special day, because while most of my friends have already seen this movie on their own (and then proceeded to watch it with me a million more times), I have two special friends from Guatemala living in Italy here who have NOT yet seen this movie (Maria and Andrea). So, over popcorn, crepes and probably some type of alcohol, I am going to give them the gift of the movie ‘Bridesmaids’.

It’s a selfless gift, really. Because this movie changes your life. Plus, my cousin Danielle is getting married now (and most likely one of my closest, best friends soon too) so I feel like this movie has even more relevance in my life than it did before. I also really want to go back to Vegas ASAP, so it makes me SO excited to be returning to North America in 2 months, where I will immediately book a trip to Vegas. It’s just not worth it to fly to fucking Vegas from Italy. I also don’t have TIME, considering that it takes 8 hours or so to fly there. You may as well just fly to Paris or somewhere closer instead. Life’s tough living in Europe.

Sadly, this movie also really reminds me of how much I want to get married. But you know, I’m comfortable being the Annie for now. She IS fucking hilarious. It’ll happen one day really soon I’m sure. Where’s the tequila.

On a happier note, CONGRATULATIONS Danielle! I’m really excited for you to take this next wonderful step in your life with someone you truly love. Is Chase going to be the ring-bearer? You should take that into consideration. Also, I’m probably going to wear couture to your wedding, which I’m really excited about too. I’ve already pre-chosen a few gowns. (I’m not psychotic at all). xoxo

So if you haven’t yet seen this movie, watch it NOW. And if you have seen it, watch it again. Buona domenica!

 

♥Laura

The Sexiest Dresses I’ve EVER Seen.

Dear people who love hot dresses,

I have hand-selected 4 of my FAVOURITE sexiest dresses and posted images and corresponding labels with them below. I actually own one of them (the Herve Leger) and whenever I put it on, I kind of want to have sex with myself. I’m in love with it. Never underestimate the power of a hot dress. Also, never underestimate the power of a Brazilian bikini wax.

Balmain                                                                  Gucci

               

Versace                                                                   Herve Leger

                  

These dresses make me want to go out and party.

On that note, it’s probably time for me to go to bed because I’m deathly ill right now. I’ll be partying in my dreams tonight. Double fisting gin and tonics.

L

Creatures of Crap

Creatures of CRAP

So basically, I hate the new Spring/Summer 2012 collection by Creatures of the Wind. Who thought that these pairings were a good idea? The tacky prints, mismatched granny skirts and shapeless tops will frighten children and adults alike. One of the things that scares me most is the knee socks paired with one-inch-heeled strappy sandals. The ankle socks may even be worse. Who knows. I not only despise heels that are less than 5 inches high, but I also really dislike putting socks and sandals together with an outfit. You are not at home in your kitchen cooking dinner or hanging out in your living room-sandals are not slippers! And I would hope that if you’re going to wear shoes with socks around your house, that you make the right decision and wear a cute pair of RUNNING SHOES, moccasins, or even fluffy slippers instead of some hideous old-lady sandals. The designer failed epically to produce a riveting line of clothing this season. I get that Spring tends to bring with it many variations of floral prints…but the prints should probably not be combined with high-waisted, long, pleated skirts that resemble an old couch from the 70’s. So…Creatures of the Wind=FAIL. F-. I’m pretty sure that the only person who wears shit worse than this is Lady Gaga.


Stay away from this line. I promise you can do better than this. Peace, fashionistas!

Laura

There was a spider in my apartment last night, but it’s not here today.

Dear friends,

There was a creepy looking reddish-black spider chilling on my ceiling last night. This morning when I woke up, I expected it to be there…but it was GONE. I searched my entire apartment but was unable to locate it. I feel like I probably ate it in my sleep, or it died because it’s like 35 degrees in here. Please provide me with suggestions as to what you think might have happened, so that I don’t have to schedule a therapy session.

What do you think happened to the spider? Do you think it was poisonous because it had reddish markings? Should I just schedule a therapy appointment anyway for posting this?

L

My Dog.

Dear bitches,

For those of you who own a dog, I definitely don’t have to describe the happiness that having a furry little creature in your life can bring. Yes, they shit and pee all over your house and eat your Burberry hairbands. And your yoga pants. And rabbit-fur moccasins. Yes, they bark at you in the middle of the night so you can take them out, and early in the morning when you’re hungover as fuck and have more or less gotten like one hour of sleep.

They lick you in strange ways sometimes and stare at you judgementally when you smoke a cigarette in your apartment because you’re drunk and don’t feel like going outside. They throw up all over your carpet. They chew on your Louboutins and think your fringe boots are toys. But they are sweet, caring little animals who are cuddly and do retarded things to make you laugh. My dog once ran face first into a screen door, and it usually takes him at least three tries to get onto a couch. He eats cat food too. Sometimes he even eats bird food.

Yet despite all of this, my dog is intuitive and knows how to make me feel better when I’m having a bad day. He cuddles with me when I’m hungover and can’t move. Dogs are really good at staying in bed with you all day. He also brings me water and Advil. Just kidding, he’s generally useless otherwise. But the friendship and loyalty that a dog can give to you is so unique and special. I miss my doggy so much!!! So be sure to hug and kiss your dog/s today. Give them Fiji water instead of that shit from the tap and feed them filet mignon. They are your BEST friends. I can’t wait to be re-united with my bestie in two months! Love you Gucci!! xoxoxo

Image

Laura

Why Am I Doing This.

Dear insane people reading this post,

This is exactly what Kim told me not to do. Create a blog. Everyone has a fucking blog. People’s pets have blogs. The worst part of all though, is that everyone seems to think their blog is so unique, funny and clever, but the reality is that most people are just a bunch of fucking idiots. That being said, I am definitely pretty crazy and have been known to act like a total fucking idiot. And I’m fairly comfortable with that. I’m not trying to use this blog to showcase anything in particular.

“Most fashion bloggers are horrible writers”, says Kim. “They have no credibility.”

And she would know because she teaches a course about trend blogging at Parsons in NYC. Kim is my fashion writing advisor. She had her own monthly column in Vogue Taiwan, and has worked for many powerful companies in the fashion world such as Calvin Klein and Emilio Pucci. This bitch knows what she’s talking about. The first time I ever met her, she scared me. Now I’ve finally gotten to a point where I feel like I can talk to her and only pee my pants a little bit.

As for her students, some of them haven’t even mastered how to use basic grammatical skills, let alone technical fashion writing. They’re fucking amateurs.

So this brings me to the point of this post. Why the fuck am I doing this. Well, I don’t think I’m wonderfully funny or anything like that. It is in part because I’m currently writing a book, and would like to promote it because my colleagues and I have been working our asses off to put it together. (Our book is NOTHING like this blog, meaning that it is actually going to be a well-researched, nicely written piece of artwork on artisanal food and fashion in the city of Florence, whereas this blog is…not.) I want this to be more of a lifestyle blog with semi-useful information about food, fashion and entertainment. The book we’re writing is a separate entity, and this blog is more just about me. And unicorns. And drinking.

I’m sure it will be interesting/entertaining though. At the very least. Plus I need an emotional outlet and my journal just hasn’t been cutting it lately. Anyway, I’m more or less writing it to entertain myself in the end, but if you feel like reading it, I’m happy to enrich your life at the same time.

Thanks for wasting your time reading this! Namaste.

Laura